The Disclaimer

When I was in High school I had a conversation with a friend about something that her father said. She was talking to her dad about someone with the same name that I have (Heather) who happened to be a multi-ethnic person. Her dad thought she was talking about me and his reply was "well Heather is a pretty girl, but she is most certainly not mixed." The statement really had nothing to do with the conversation which caught me off guard. At that moment the real world hit a naive 16 year old in the face, and I understood how people had varying ideas of beauty. I was presented with a pretty adult theme at an early age. In essence, I discovered that there was a standard of beauty that I would have to rebel against and continue to rebel against and challenge to this day.

I am the girl next door dammit, yes in all my deep dark hue! Even though my awakening was nearly 20 years ago, things have not changed they have continued to worsen in some instances, and get better in others. When did having multi-ethnicity become the standard when beauty is concerned.

I have also come to realize that not only AA people are afflicted with this mind set. I heard a ww say to me that she would only have a child with a bm because they always "came out more beautiful." What!!!! It's time for a mind cleansing. I won't go for the "everyone is beautiful in their own way line," but come on, something has got to give.

I've said it before I like all types of men, I am known for expanding my options to the tenth power. I don't limit myself to one group or the other either. That being said, how many songs are written about "light skinned good hair babes," as ignorant as that is, by bm. I would never accept any comment from a bm about dating someone of another ethnicity.

Bottom line, celebrate those who are not often celebrated . Yeah, a shout out to the bw, whether she be African, African American, Caribbean, or whatever. Your beauty is acknowledged and acceptable.

Ode to Scotsman

This is just an opportunity for me to make a few observations, and indulge in something whimsical, i.e... eye candy. We have already discussed the fabulous Gerard Butler - he's my number one Scotsman - but there are other Scotsman with just the right combination of charisma and sex appeal.

First, there's Ewan McGregor, what an adorable big crooked tooth smile. He might not be the tallest, most muscular but if you've seen the film "The Pillow Book," you already know that he has some other interesting attributes. He seems to have been the only choice in the Star Wars prequels for Obi Wan Kenobi, a perfect fit. Currently Ewan stars in a London production of Othello with Chiwetel Ejiofor at the Donmar Warehouse, November 30, 2007 thru December 23, 2008.

If you've watched Journeyman on NBC you might have noticed Kevin McKidd, who also starred in the HBO series "Rome." Very rugged, hard as nails look. Rome is a pretty good series, although some things were frustrating, namely the choice for Cleopatra, but I digress. Kevin is a noteworthy Scotsman, built to a tee.

Finally, James McAvoy, the name might not be familiar, but if you get a chance to catch "The Last King of Scotland," he stars alongside Forest Whitaker. Forest owns the movie, his performance warranted every bit of the Oscar he received for the role. James McAvoy turned in an impressive performance as well, not overstated or strained in contrast to the leading role. He might be a little guy, but he can hold his own in the mass appeal department.

Quick note on natural hair

I feel the pain of natural bw everywhere. Recently I discovered two products that work for wash and wear. Carol's Daughter products are a celebrity fave, and can be found online at: http://www.carolsdaughter.com/

My personal favorite is Miss Jessie's hair products. My younger cousin introduced me to this product and I can't get enough. http://www.missjessies.com/

If I like it, baby you should love it...

An acquaintance recently told me that wm don't date women with natural hair (unprocessed). I was shocked to say the least. She went on to say that why would a wm want to run around town with some "nappy" headed woman. Yeah she went all IMUS on me.

I don't happen to believe this is true. Point one: when will we stop berating ourselves by using a derogatory term to describe the way our hair grows out of our heads. Why is it offensive to so many of us? Point two: If a man cares about you as a person he should be planting his fingers right in your fro, locs, braids, or whatever natural or processed style you decide to wear. I wore a perm for years, grew it out and have now gone natural and the men who find me attractive have not changed. Wm still look when I wear twist, and they look when I decide to press my hair out. I have not noticed any difference.

Hey, if you like your natural hair, then he should love it. Someone who had an issue with natural hair would definitely not be someone I would have a relationship with, but that's me. But it goes far beyond what a man likes and dislikes. What makes us denigrate ourselves and believe that there is something ugly or horrible about the kinky state in which our hair naturally grows. I think it's time to look in the mirror and love who's looking back at you, no matter how you wear your hair. Stop the self hate. It is my sincere belief that men love women who are confident, and lasting relationships are those involving two people who love and respect each other authentically! As well as respecting each others authenticity.

For Bessie

When I was a youngster I was fascinated with Amelia Earhart and I learned everything about her. I was so impressed with this woman. How adventurous she was, flying around the world at the helm of an airplane during a time when most women rarely worked outside of the home.

After I had graduated from college I discovered Bessie Coleman. Without giving a full blown history lesson, "Queen Bess" as she was fondly called, was the first African American woman to become a licensed pilot, and the first American woman to hold an international pilots licence. She was first in her field. Something quite extraordinary for a woman, let alone an African American woman. So why had I not heard of her until after I had completed my primary, secondary and higher education. Both of these women achieved so much in their short lives. Both were pilots during the 1920's, and both died early to tragic ends. We all know why we did not know Bessie's name, and it's very unfortunate.

Today is a new day. We have the opportunity to celebrate the milestones and accomplishments of all women. Let's not accept only what is presented to us. Dig deep! You would be surprised by some of the accomplishments made by women of all ethnicity's that you come up with. One day soon we won't have to dig for the information, it will be presented in the same manner as any other woman of note.

To get the full 411 on Bessie Coleman visit: http://www.bessiecoleman.com/

....Up next, I have got to talk about the Curb your enthusiasm season finale.

How do I love Gerard, let me count the ways

I'll start by stating that you can go to any blog authored by an African American women and most likely find a photo of this guy posted on it. Love him, love him, love him. Personally, I can't get enough of him. He is quite masculine, sans the fake machismo and bravura. Handsome doesn't come close when describing that gorgeous face. Wit for days.

So what makes so many brown girls crazy for this man. I believe it's the fact the he sees what he likes and he goes after it, and doesn't care who knows it. He seems to be well mannered, and very respectful. But it's something more than that. Watch this, it says it all:

What did I tell you, there is something really special about this man. SO SMOOTH! In a suit all G'd up or in jeans relaxed and casual he is so fine. As former President Bill Clinton stated when asked why so many black folks loved and respected him, he simply said "we love the people who love us."

Excuse me Mr. Maher!

Recently, while watching Real Time with Bill Maher, Bill stated that many of the black women that he knows did not care whether or not OJ Simpson (I dislike even writing the name) did beat and kill his estranged wife, they still really liked OJ. On his show the week that the Don Imus story broke he stated that he doubted whether many 21 year old black women even knew who Don Imus was until the story broke. I thought "oh my GOD this man is obnoxious," how dare he speak for black women, even the one's that he knows, and how dare he be so presumptive to conclude that younger black women did not know who Don Imus was.

I thought about this long and hard. Mr. Maher is often applauded in many circles for being a wm who openly and unapologetically dates bw. Many folks that I've talked to have admired his choices in bw - the dark complexioned shapely bw. My thoughts are as simple as this, just because you date bw and love being with them does not mean that you can speak for them. I don't want another black women speaking for me, or representing (misrepresenting) me without my input or say so, let alone someone like Mr. Maher who has a forum like Real Time. What I found most offensive, is how insensitive he was and how his statements were presented as fact when they were nothing more than his opinions. After all he does not know the sentiments and feelings of all of the bw that he does know.

Ultimately, I guess my expectations are that a man like Maher has an opportunity to dispel myths and generalizations. He seemed to do the opposite. It was alarming. When dating I want the MAN I'm with to protect my honor. I'm not saying that I want a man that agrees with every position or opinion that I have, but I don't want him to be on the opposite side of the fence either.

I used to know this white woman who was dating a black guy at the time. She told me right in front of him that he did not like black women, and would never consider dating one. The guy nearly fell on the floor. He said that the statement was absolutely not true, and he was hurt that she had formed this inaccurate impression of him. I wonder if this is the way that some of the black women that Mr. Maher spoke for felt?

If you feel froggy - LEAP

I am a tall statuesque African American woman. I don't look like Halle Berry, but I am quite attractive, even if I say so myself. Deep dark complexion with reddish undertones. No I am not a bone, shapely in all of the right places. My point is this, I catch guys of various ethnicity's checking me out all day, so why don't they have the courage to say something, ANYTHING.

I hear a lot of talk about African American women being resistant to the idea of dating a non-AA male. I don't know where this is coming from. I am single and have loads of single healthy attractive bw friends, and they are ready and willing, they are confronted with the same dilemma that I am confronted with. The wm or non-bm will not take that leap of faith.

What is the worse thing that could happen......She's married. She has a boyfriend. She is not interested. Please remember that many bw are very traditional and would never make the first move. If you approach her in a respectful manner I think you might be surprised at the response.

What's it all about,Alfie?

According to many of today's scientist the term race is outdated and imprecise. Why do we hold on to terms that were designed to be divisive? Even the most liberal people use the term race to describe persons of different ethnicity's. What about people who are of two or more ethnicity's, then we refer to them as bi-racial. This is the goofiest approach to a very human condition. Confusing!!! With the continuation of the separatist term it makes it very hard to move past insignificant differences and move towards understanding and reconciliation.

When I saw the remake of the movie Alfie, I was so excited because the ethnicity of the characters was irrelevant. The fact that Alfie's best friends girlfriend and his best friend were of another ethnicity did not come up. It felt so natural and real. And how courageous for all of the actors involved to step outside of Hollywood's neat little box of who should be with whom.

We have never learned to communicate about ethnic issues in a healthy manner. I believe that people have been conditioned by the race label and it continues to lead us down a path of dist ruction.

I am an African American woman, and this is the only term I know to express my ethnicity. I have dated many different types of men. I tend not to designate them as white or black, but by ethnicity as it should be. I dated a Scottish guy, which was fantastic, a Filipino/Mexican guy, an Italian, and many African American guys, even a Haitian guy who I married and divorced. Guess what, they had one thing in common, they were HUMAN.