Waiting in Vain?

With so many women to choose from in the BC, why is there this resounding "BW don't want to date us," that always comes from WM. Everyday I hear black women that have previously stated that they would not, could not date a white guy, change that tune to - why the hell not!


When I was in college there was this black girl dating a white guy on campus, something happened, I don't exactly know what, but the girl was humiliated and ended up leaving and going to college elsewhere. I think the greatest thing dividing us, or keeping us from exploration is fear, albeit an irrational fear. Many of the BW that I know say that the absolute worse fear that they have would be being used by a WM to fulfill some sexual fantasy, and tossing them aside once they've had their fill. Let's face it we have all heard the quip by some WM, "do what you need to do, just don't take her home to mama!"

Humiliation is a powerful thing. Who wants to go through something like that. Investing time, energy, and emotion in a relationship only to find out that you were a cheap thrill, or simply satisfying a curiosity. But can't the same be said about being with a BM.

That works in both directions. Some BW are curious and try it out, test the waters see what its like if you will. Another big issue for many of the BW that I have spoken with would also be public acknowledgement. Dating is one thing, it is awkward initially because all eyes are on you for whatever reason. Once you move into the realm of "Relationship," I want that man to walk with me proudly with his head up high, as if to say "Yes, this is my woman!"

I saw this video on Classical One's blog and it expressed perfectly what I wanted to say in today's blog. It is just too cute!

"Ain't I a Woman?" I Know I am!

...That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? - Sojourner Truth

Lately, I've heard all of this talk surrounding why women should support Hillary Clinton for president simply based on the fact that she is a woman. I even heard that Oprah had gotten admonished by NOW because of her support of Senator Barack Obama. Well shame on the National Organization for Women. The last time I checked they spoke up for black women, namely the Rutgers Basketball team, only after being asked about the incident. They have been fairly silent on issues that affect AA woman. And to garner support for Hillary based on womanhood would be just as ridiculous as supporting Obama based on blackness.

Let's be honest, the blackness of the AA woman has always superseded her womanhood. Early on when the Suffrage movement was in full effect they only used black woman to speak to further their cause to secure their rights. Many sat idly by for the next 40 years before black women finally obtained full voting privileges in the south. Seems like we have been misused before in the woman ploy, but not this time, we've been bundled into the African American demographic when the media slices and dissects the who's voting for who. We don't get much interest in our voting patterns as women. So be it!

On the (Woman) front we don't get much interest or respect either. I can't tell the number of times a door has swung into my face, because some man (black or white) failed to keep it open for me. I am traditional and believe that this is what a gentleman would do. None the less, I am constantly pondering the question of AA womanhood. While our counterparts of every ethnicity have traditionally been well taken care of, helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches and such, we have basically had to do everything for ourselves. We have had to make the best places for ourselves. While a great many ww have been benefactors of the NFL, the NBA and whatever other financially prosperous organization, bw have had to educate themselves, procure careers and lead the household, with no confetti, praise or kudos.

I guess I just look forward to the day when bw are honored, and put up on the proverbial pedestal. It is our turn right? To be lavished and adorned with gifts and care, to get equal pay to our counterparts, because in many fields they make a great deal more money for the same job. I look forward to being petted and consoled at my every whimper. I want men of all ethnicity's to see bw for the human beings that they are, before they misjudge her as a loud obnoxious bw contributing nothing of value to society. We want the loyalty that some bw so readily reserve for bm that is often unwarranted. BW have a lot to give, and it is so totally being missed out on. One day soon, and I believe the time is now, someone will be up for the challenge to give bw what they have so long deserved. Which is...Sojourner alluded to it.

GROSS!

A friend of mine expressed her discomfort at her husband watching porn the other day. She said that some of it was very gross. My impression was that her husband had been watching something involving animals and humans. Heck I don't know, I don't have an aversion to men watching the stuff, it's not particularly my thing, but anyway. So I asked my friend who happens to be a WW, what made it so gross? My friend said without batting an eye that a lot of it involved BW with WM. I asked her why that was gross in particular. She said "I don't know I just think it’s weird."

Well, I didn’t pursue continuing the conversation, but it made me think. I thought about some standard female conversations at work, you know the kind when you talk about what actor is hot, and after mentioning some gorgeous white male, stone cold silence, or the typical assumption that WW are the cat's meow and are of superior beauty.

Surprisingly to me these comments were not exclusive to ww. I was disturbed when one BW, after being told of Matthew McConaughey's Afro-Brazilian mate, commented why he would do that with all of those beautiful women in Hollywood, or another BW commenting that she was surprised that Barack Obama was married to a black woman.

I look forward to the day when BW can be seen as simply women, of beauty, wit, strength, intelligence, and dignity. Black women exhibit dignity while being confronted by every negative element willing to portray her as a villain. Dignity through being unjustly represented by characters like New York (Tiffany) in the media. Dignity while being attacked by idiots like Mr. Imus and the black male comedians who supported and repeated his comments with zeal. Dignity every day while being passed over for promotions, and paid inadequately, with no complaints to boot!

Check out "a black women’s smile on you tube."

On Being Receptive?

Hey Family!

I have heard several times that Caribbean (West Indian), and African women are more receptive to multi ethnic relationships, more so than African American women. This kind of plays into the same insulting rhetoric as that lame light complexion dark complexion debate.

I am from the Midwest, and as an African American woman I have many African American women friends, as well as friends from other ethnicity's. Many of my friends have dated men from different ethnicity's. Some say that they do not because they could not take possibly being used, or rejected in that way.

I would never part my lips to say that I thought Italian men are more approachable and receptive to dating women of African American ethnicity. Who am I to make such a call! After all do we really care what region of the African diaspora the lady happens to hale from, content of character should really supersede all else. I really believe that a woman is receptive to a man who is receptive to her. Accept me as a human being first, and we can take it from there!

Our Community

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Margaret Meade

The word on the street is that our community is growing. Our Community. It's so exciting just to say those words. I stole the quote from another blogger's site http://sarasbloginterraciallove.blogspot.com/ , it rang so very true to me. There are literally thousands of men in the U.S who are now finding the (large ones) to ask a woman of a different ethnicity out on a date, and consider it more that a sexual conquest. By that I mean they have honorable intentions.

I did a Google search for interracial love and I was quite surprised that the images were dominated by bw with wm. I have to say this made me smile, it let me know that the powers that be, whatever force that previously kept us from seriously pursuing one another has been hushed, but not silenced.

It is such a privilege to be a part of this community. If nothing else it is encouraging to black women who may think that they are pigeonholed (to put aside indefinitely, as if intending to ignore or forget; shelve) into waiting for the black knight to suddenly come along and sweep her off her feet, which could actually happen, but why not explore all of the options that are ready, willing, and able. Black women often let people guilt us into submission with the usual crap like, "why would you trade teams?" or "white guys just use black women for sex." While we hear things like this, bm go out and and set the town ablaze with who they want, when they want, with no admonishment or complaints from anyone black or white.

So I celebrate all of the blogger's who write insightful and encouraging words, and provide us with information on this journey. If only we had clubs set up in major cities to make love connections, who knows maybe that's next.

The Disclaimer

When I was in High school I had a conversation with a friend about something that her father said. She was talking to her dad about someone with the same name that I have (Heather) who happened to be a multi-ethnic person. Her dad thought she was talking about me and his reply was "well Heather is a pretty girl, but she is most certainly not mixed." The statement really had nothing to do with the conversation which caught me off guard. At that moment the real world hit a naive 16 year old in the face, and I understood how people had varying ideas of beauty. I was presented with a pretty adult theme at an early age. In essence, I discovered that there was a standard of beauty that I would have to rebel against and continue to rebel against and challenge to this day.

I am the girl next door dammit, yes in all my deep dark hue! Even though my awakening was nearly 20 years ago, things have not changed they have continued to worsen in some instances, and get better in others. When did having multi-ethnicity become the standard when beauty is concerned.

I have also come to realize that not only AA people are afflicted with this mind set. I heard a ww say to me that she would only have a child with a bm because they always "came out more beautiful." What!!!! It's time for a mind cleansing. I won't go for the "everyone is beautiful in their own way line," but come on, something has got to give.

I've said it before I like all types of men, I am known for expanding my options to the tenth power. I don't limit myself to one group or the other either. That being said, how many songs are written about "light skinned good hair babes," as ignorant as that is, by bm. I would never accept any comment from a bm about dating someone of another ethnicity.

Bottom line, celebrate those who are not often celebrated . Yeah, a shout out to the bw, whether she be African, African American, Caribbean, or whatever. Your beauty is acknowledged and acceptable.

Ode to Scotsman

This is just an opportunity for me to make a few observations, and indulge in something whimsical, i.e... eye candy. We have already discussed the fabulous Gerard Butler - he's my number one Scotsman - but there are other Scotsman with just the right combination of charisma and sex appeal.

First, there's Ewan McGregor, what an adorable big crooked tooth smile. He might not be the tallest, most muscular but if you've seen the film "The Pillow Book," you already know that he has some other interesting attributes. He seems to have been the only choice in the Star Wars prequels for Obi Wan Kenobi, a perfect fit. Currently Ewan stars in a London production of Othello with Chiwetel Ejiofor at the Donmar Warehouse, November 30, 2007 thru December 23, 2008.

If you've watched Journeyman on NBC you might have noticed Kevin McKidd, who also starred in the HBO series "Rome." Very rugged, hard as nails look. Rome is a pretty good series, although some things were frustrating, namely the choice for Cleopatra, but I digress. Kevin is a noteworthy Scotsman, built to a tee.

Finally, James McAvoy, the name might not be familiar, but if you get a chance to catch "The Last King of Scotland," he stars alongside Forest Whitaker. Forest owns the movie, his performance warranted every bit of the Oscar he received for the role. James McAvoy turned in an impressive performance as well, not overstated or strained in contrast to the leading role. He might be a little guy, but he can hold his own in the mass appeal department.