I don't happen to believe this is true. Point one: when will we stop berating ourselves by using a derogatory term to describe the way our hair grows out of our heads. Why is it offensive to so many of us? Point two: If a man cares about you as a person he should be planting his fingers right in your fro, locs, braids, or whatever natural or processed style you decide to wear. I wore a perm for years, grew it out and have now gone natural and the men who find me attractive have not changed. Wm still look when I wear twist, and they look when I decide to press my hair out. I have not noticed any difference.
Hey, if you like your natural hair, then he should love it. Someone who had an issue with natural hair would definitely not be someone I would have a relationship with, but that's me. But it goes far beyond what a man likes and dislikes. What makes us denigrate ourselves and believe that there is something ugly or horrible about the kinky state in which our hair naturally grows. I think it's time to look in the mirror and love who's looking back at you, no matter how you wear your hair. Stop the self hate. It is my sincere belief that men love women who are confident, and lasting relationships are those involving two people who love and respect each other authentically! As well as respecting each others authenticity.
10 comments:
Nappy is an interesting word. Is is derogatory? Certainly being called a nappy-headed ho is. Let me get the Imus comment out of the way.
I stopped relaxing my hair about 10 years ago. I still do get a 'press n curl' as well as wearing my hair natural. I use the terms natural and nappy to refer to my hair. I never use the term kinky. I don't know any black women who do. Kinks in the kitchen, yes, but not kinky.
My ex-white boyfriend liked my natural hair. I do admit to having been a little self-conscious when my 'press-n-curl' was getting old and my roots were getting thick. But that was my issue and not his and he preferred it natural to begin with. I wear my hair natural more often than not because I work out and swim.
I think part of the problem is the white ideal of long beautiful hair, which most of us black women don't have. Every singer and actress has a weave. I mean Beyonce has fabulous weaves and we all know that Jay-Z is not running his hands through her hair. And I think most black men who like black women are OK with that. I think those of us who date white think white men won't be.
I struggle with my hair - I don't want to relax it but otherwise it's nappy. It's long enough to pull back into a ponytail so that's my usual look. I haven't found a natural style that works. I don't want extension braids or dreadlocks.
For me it's not self hate but the difficulty of taking care of my hair. Unless your hair is very short, there aren't any wash and wear styles. Other than my current ponytail approach. I know women who don't work out because they don't want to sweat their hair out.
But our beauty is not found in our hair but in our character. I just wish I could find a fabulous natural hair style to match my fabulous personality.
Shoesie try these for starters:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ptHx1Fcutw&watch_response
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UWyiVmWalw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmZg8njzfYE&watch_response
Also have you been to Nappturality.com yet or Motowngirl's site? Tons of info and advise on natural hair :)
This person has obviously never been to NYC before. Nor has this person stepped foot in Europe. Overwhelmingly, the Black women you see here with European men have natural hair. The idea of a perm, for Europeans, is still difficult to grasp. My French boyfriend kept demanding..."I don't understand!", when I explained to him that my hair wasn't really straight, that it was a chemical, and I wanted to go natural.
After that, he was nothing but encouraging and couldn't wait for me to get those damn chemicals out of my hair. And my hair is LONG (I'm now transitioning to natural).
He takes all of my before and after shots of my hair for me so that I can see my progress...he oils my scalp for me. I drew the line when he tried to reach out and braid my hair though. lol
Also, when I was in the US, I was married to a Filipino man and every six weeks, he'd try to convince me to stop perming. It was ME who kept demanding the chemicals. NOT him. He wanted his "natural wife" and thought my African lineage was beautiful.
I hate when people stereotype all "White" people just because of their experience in the US. People think very differently in Europe and interracial dating is very common here...and not at all forbidden.
Natural hair is gorgeous. Permed hair is gorgeous. All people are beautiful. Thank God for diversity. We should all stop worrying so much about who "others" are dating and focus on the insecurities that are keeping us from living life the way God intended - loving our brothers as God loves us. not white brothers, not black brothers, not jewish brothers - all humans. Whether or not we endorse other people's "dating-partners" is our problem, not theirs. Let us focus on humanity first. Here are a few words I choose to live my life by -
“Civilization is a process… whose purpose is to combine single human individuals, and after that families, then races, peoples, and nations, into one great unity, the unity of mankind.” —Sigmund Freud
“Unity, not uniformity, must be our aim. We attain unity only through variety. Differences must be integrated, not annihilated…” —M.P. Follett
“I’m a human being before I am a race, a religion, and an occupation.” —Kris Parker, a.k.a. KRS-ONE
“Mankind will endure when the world appreciates the logic of diversity.” —Indira Gandhi
I am a black woman who has been in a serious romantic relationship with a white man for over a year. When we met I had been wearing locs for about three months. He has always loved my natural hair, and gives me frequent scalp massages. I think a lot of blacks think that wm won't date bw with natural hair; I can mention a case in point. My gentleman friend and I were walking through the local mall recently, when we could see coming toward us a group of young (high-school aged) bm. They were looking at us quite intently (although not in a hostile way), and I was bracing myself for the inevitable comment. After we passed by, one said loudly, "A white man with a black woman with dreads! I never thought I'd see it!" I was quite amused; it certainly wasn't what I was expecting to hear. What is also ironic is that each of these young men had locs, and I feel safe in speculating that they probably don't think that their hair is any impediment to their getting dates with white or Hispanic women!
My white husband encouraged me to go natural, and I have no problem getting approached by men because of my hair.
I'm Italian, and I find the natural look to be infinately more beautiful than straightened hair or weaves. Still trying to convince my fiancee to go natural, though.
I am a peddle pusher for using henna. Has any of you beautiful natural heads used henna? I have a head full of hair, and my hair simply IMPROVED. You will love your natural hair more. It isn't drying if you use top quality.
But when I grew my hair out(yyeeearrss ago), I had found that I was approached by WM alot more than BM. I then figured out that Men of other backgrounds enjoyed the natural beauty of BW.
White men definitely like natural hair. Black people just swear that they know what white men like. It is so funny.
Yeah I agree...every non-American black man I have ever dated hated relaxed hair. Every man I have ever dated hates weaves too-even the American ones. My current suitor is European and he despised my relaxed style but can't seem to get enough of my natural nappy, kinky, _______________ (fill in the blank) hair.
If you like it, he'll love it. And who cares what "he" thinks anyway-do what you want to do.
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